Yesterday I went to the opticians as my eyes have been hurting so much, but maybe I was being paranoid. I already have a prism in my lenses to assist with the double vision, but also my brain isn’t lining the images up properly so it doesn’t completely solve it. But as my eyes aching so much, yanking them out on tooth picks has almost felt like a viable option. So when I’m told they haven’t changed at all I wonder if I’m over thinking the effect of my brain injury? Maybe I just don’t wear my glasses enough. I’m only a tiny bit short sighted so I have been wearing them only for driving. But right this minute I have put them on to type this. The optometrist thinks I might be straining them looking at the screen. Sounds obvious right?
I find I worry all the time that things are happening as a result of my brain injury because I don’t know what I should expect. It leaves me feeling paranoid.
I didn’t wear glasses before my accident, and I was told that it was only because they prescribed the prism that they bothered to give me glasses at all. I’m not short sighted enough for it usually to be worth the trouble. But the Neurologist at the hospital told me not to bother with a prism as it’s my brain, not my eyes. So bloody confusing.
How am I supposed to know with all this different information?
On the flip side I have got used to my left leg having altered sensation. Now I have started ignoring what’s trying to tell me. Cold things touching my skin can feel like a crocodile has become attached to my leg. I used to scream the house down, but now I just use mind over matter and carry on. But the problem with that is occasionally my nerves are trying to tell me something important. Like I stepped on some glass and badly cut my big toe, but I ignored it. I was thinking it was that I was being paranoid about that naughty crocodile having a nibble at me again.
So what should I learn from this situation? Do I respond when my nerves report pain, or accept this is my life now I carry on?
I suppose I just have to be vigilant and worry less about if me checking all the time makes me look like I’m paranoid or wasting peoples time.