The punchline goes horribly wrong….

Suddenly I realised I couldn’t remember, which I was surprised and embarrassed by. Under pressure I tried to think of what the words sound like. And I stumbled on something that had a familiar ring to it, and blurted out “Derry“. Instantly I knew I had said the wrong name, but I thought it wouldn’t matter as the conversation would move on and she wouldn’t need to know my error. I mean it’s not like we were talking about a distant relative, what daughter doesn’t know where her Mum is from? Particularly one who brought the subject up.

Her eyes lit up and she said “Oh not far from me, which part?” Oh dear, now I was snookered. Derry, or better known as Londonderry, is the second largest city in Northern Ireland. So her question was perfectly reasonable. As the word “Kerry” lazily made an appearance in my head I knew I had to admit my mistake.

“I’m sorry I meant Tralee in county Kerry” I said sheepishly. She gave me a stern look.  “They are very different you know” she replied. In that moment I felt my cognitive slip up hadn’t just made me look stupid, I had insulted the Irish nation. Of course I understood the political history and how it still can be difficult both sides of the border. But what I had said was as upsetting as when foreigners think England is Great Britain, not just one of 4 nations.

Trying not to beat myself up.

Whilst I’m sure she  wasn’t as worried by my mistake as I thought, I knew my Mum would have been. As she is sadly no longer with us, I could see her scolding me for misquoting her story. Yes she moved to London as a child and lost her accent, but she was still deeply proud of living on a farm in Ireland when she was young. I didn’t mention in this short conversation that my Mum had passed away and the lady moved on to speak to others. The situation was completely my fault, and she did nothing wrong. But I still felt stupid and that I had disrespected my Mum.

If there are times someone with a brain injury says something wrong, but can’t see their mistake, it could be a confabulation. Read more in Confabulation is not lying. False memories due to brain injury.

So my advice to others is, give yourself some breathing space. On those days when go feel your brain is struggling to get out of neutral, don’t put pressure on yourself. I should have taken a little longer to reply, or even said what my problem was. Then I could have avoided the awkwardness I created.