insight Archives - Jumbledbrain

You behind the illness (tag)

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 17:11:38 +0000

I was tagged by Alice (or Ali as she prefers to be called) from Notebooks and Glasses. As chronic illness bloggers trying to raise awareness and understanding about our conditions, we sometimes forget to show who we are, not what we are. So this tag is so make us show a bit more about our personalities and might give more insight to the person behind the blog. You can read Ali’s Behind The Illness post here. I have tagged a few more bloggers, but anyone is welcome to take part. Thanks Ali for inviting me to do this.

Four places I’ve lived:

(All in England.)

Burfield common, Berkshire (yes that’s the edge of a forest.)
On the Somerset coast (a little seaside town where I was walking distance to the beach.)
Up a hill in Devon on the edge of the moors (where my neighbours were the sheep.)
In leafy Hertfordshire, close to London but still amongst the countryside.

So you might have guessed I’m not much of an urban dweller. I have worked in towns and cities (including London) but I like to have my peace and quiet when I’m home.

Four places I’ve worked:

Retail manager for a few different high street names, in numerous different locations. I was in retail for about 10 years, and believe me I have seen some funny stuff. Including a woman whilst in a fresh food aisle put a potty on the floor so her child could have a poo. This store had customer toilets so it was completely unnecessary, oh and the child missed the potty….
Cosmetics account manager for a few different premium brands. I did enjoy boosting people’s confidence by doing their makeup in a way they could emulate at home.
Recruitment consultant. I was always trying to save the world and help everyone find their next job. Clearly that was unrealistic but that’s what you get for seeing people as an individual and not a number.
Employer engagement manager for the London Hairdressing Apprenticeship Academy, where I helped young apprentice hairdressers find the right employer to help them progress in their new career.

Four favourite hobbies:

Writing my blog and getting creative with the images.
Tending to my garden and making it look pretty and welcoming.
I love playing games designed to test and train your brain.
Playing with my crazy cat.

Four things I like to watch:

Game of Thrones – my favourite character is Therion. I love his quick wit, he’s so funny.
Judge Judy – I know she’s a bit “Marmite”, either you love her or you hate her. But I love her. In this politically correct world, I enjoy seeing people being properly disciplined when they deserve it.
Taskmaster on the channel Dave. I know my international friends will not know what I’m talking about, but it’s a show where comedians are given a weird task and they improvise how to solve it. It’s so funny I often think I’m going to die laughing as I enjoy how ridiculous and random it is. If you’re tempted to find out what I’m talking about here’s an episode on Youtube.
Doctor Foster. This was a series on the BBC about a Doctor who’s almost perfect life falls apart when she realises her husband is having an affair. This intelligent and capable woman has a bit of a melt down as she begins her quest to exact revenge on him for his betrayal. (sorry it’s no longer on iPlayer. Full episodes are available on Youtube for £1.99 but here’s a trailer.

Four things I like to read:

Mariam Keyes – She is a very funny irish author who likes to write about modern women. I often recognise so many of the stupid situations her characters create for themselves, and although I get so embarrassed for them, I know it will come good in the end. Even if it’s not how I was expecting.
Jonathan Kellerman – I enjoy his Alex Delaware series about a forensic psychologist who solves crimes with the help of his best friend, Milo Sturgis, who is a gay LAPD detective.
Minnette Walters – A british crime author who has won numerous awards and had several of her books adapted for TV.
Other bloggers work – I like to hear about their lives and what they are learning along the way.

Four places I’ve been:

Rome – Walking through the Coliseum with my parents held me in awe. It’s amazing when you can feel so close to ancient history.
Las Vegas – It’s the craziest place I’ve ever been, makes me feel like it’s one big amusement park or something.
Amsterdam – I love the architecture and travelling down the canals. I find it relaxing and exciting all at the same time.
Cancun – Full of amazing people and the scenery is beautiful. (Plus I was obsessed with the Iguanas.)

Four things I love to eat:

Citrus fruits – If it’s got Lemon in it I’m probably going to love it.
Wagamama – I love their Japanese inspired menu. So many amazing flavours that just don’t happen in traditional british cooking.
Rhubarb – I know it’s not for everyone, but I adore it. It sort of makes me think of a citrus version of strawberries (although I’ve never found anyone who agrees with me on that one.)
Mushrooms – I just love them (although I wish they weren’t a fungus, that word gives me the creeps.)

Four things I love to drink:

Tea!!!! – I am a complete addict. My nightmare would be to run out. In fact I always take some on holiday with me in case they don’t have a proper English Breakfast Tea blend there.
Woo Woo – But I love cocktails so I’m always trying new ones.
Irish coffee – This only happens on a rare occasion for me, but when it’s done well It’s amazing.
Cold water – Nothing in the entire world tastes better than water when you’re really thirsty.

Four places I want to visit:

Maldives – I dream of staying in one of their water villas (or as I call them “huts on sticks.”) Update 2020 : I’ve now done this and it was just as amazing as I imagined it would be!!!
Australia – To think that is a place where there are wild Koalas and Kangaroos is a step closer to heaven for me.
Canada – It’s always fascinated me and I’d love to take in the culture.
The Pyramids of Egypt – I think it’s incredible how powerful and knowledgeable the Ancient Egyptians were, and yet we are still only just beginning to understand what was common knowledge of them.

Four blogger’s I’d like to tag (if you’ve not been tagged before.)

Amber Blackburn at The world sees normal!
Erin Beth at A Chronic Spoonful.
Sue at Fibrodaze.
Debra Meyerson at Identity Theft.

Did any of my answers surprise you?

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How to avoid behaviour related misunderstandings provoked by brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 15 May 2017 07:39:09 +0000

As I write about my experience of brain injury a lot, you might be surprised when I say sometimes I can’t explain how I feel. There are times this invisible heavy cloak descends on me. I’m trying to get on with a “normal” life whilst the cloak drags me down and wears me out. But the casual observer knows nothing of the cloak, just that my behaviour is different. Weirdly I have no motivation to even try to communicate. It’s just too much of an effort. I imagine when this happens I have more in common with an overworked Donkey, than a woman in the prime of her life.

As I appear grumpy, others think I’m annoyed at them.

We’ve all experienced that person who makes you feel like you can’t do anything right. You feel like you should be apologising for everything. Or making special efforts to win them over. Well, the cloak turns me into that person. It’s not intentional. I’m not really criticising everything, but I’m not showing any enthusiasm either. My brain injury just turns off the communication switch for a while. I still have emotions, I just can’t express them.

As this behaviour doesn’t give them anything to work with, I understand how it makes them insecure. Particularly since females are known for going quiet when they are angry. My partner, James, will ask if he has upset me with a tone similar to a child who thinks they have disappointed their parent. Even when I tell him to ignore my behaviour he seems unsettled. Perhaps he thinks that is just an excuse so I don’t have to explain what’s wrong?

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you will know by now James is my rock. And yes I am guilty of sometimes being a battleaxe just because his socks aren’t in the laundry basket. But when my brain injury cloak is on me, my behaviour is nothing to do with anything he has or hasn’t done. So the thought that I am unintentionally chipping away at his confidence is awful. I don’t want to make him question himself when he is completely innocent. In fact I don’t know where I would be without him.

My tips on dealing with this situation.

My not an expert or a counsellor, all I can tell you is how I’m dealing with this. It has taken me time to get to this point. So if highlighting this helps smooth another persons relationship, it’s worth it.

Acknowledge that it happens. Just because I don’t mean to make James question himself, it doesn’t mean it’s OK. I didn’t recognise it before as I didn’t have the ability to. But now I do, just ignoring it won’t solve anything.
Talk about it when you can. Even if it’s days later, I find a moment that it good for both of us to run through what happened. James is very understanding, which makes it easier. But even if the person in your life struggles to put themselves in your shoes, it’s important they see you making the effort. Most people will find it touching and sincere, which will help them see your bond isn’t broken.
Have a signal. Now I have described this as the heavy cloak feeling in this way, that’s all I need to say in the future. Then he will know that I can’t go into detail during that moment, but he doesn’t need to worry. But you can make a single where you don’t even have to say anything. It could be a long squeeze of their hand, a kiss on the tip of their nose (as long as they don’t have a cold at the time) or just a simple knowing nod.

I sometimes am guilty of thinking that as he knows I have a brain injury, he should have got used to my behaviour by now. But that’s absolving myself of responsibility for how my actions effect him, which isn’t fair. Yes it’s true that I can’t help my bad days, but he isn’t to blame for them either. So he shouldn’t feel like he has to tiptoe around his home in hope I won’t use him as a punching bag. (Just to be clear, I’m not violent I just mean verbally.) I’ve said it before in Support carers, but it’s important we don’t forget they are in this boat too, even though none of us planned this.

How has your behaviour changed since your brain injury? Does my "heavy cloak" feeling sound familiar to you?

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Avoiding problems: I must stop burying my head (inc injured brain) in the sand

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Tue, 02 May 2017 17:03:54 +0000

As I progressed though school, I realised that some teachers gave you a bit more breathing space than others about producing your homework on time. So I liked to think I was learning to prioritise which pieces I needed to deal with, when I hadn’t even started some by the completion date. But really I was just avoiding certain ones. It might be because it was more challenging, or just that frankly it was boring to me. Occasionally I found myself in hot water, but not very often. I might be more consistent for a while, but it wouldn’t last and I’d slip back into my old ways. I think I got away with it because otherwise I was a good student. Good attendance, not lippy and good grades. And maybe I did learn how to prioritise, but now I must stop avoiding things. I must take responsibility for my actions, or I’ll continue to add to my worries.

Avoiding thinking about it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

The last 2.5 years since the car accident that caused my brain injury have passed me by in a blur. And yet many major things have happened during that time. I became the Power of Attorney for my Dad and am responsible for all his finances. I can tell you that still feels weird, but I think I did quite well at most things for him. Even though I adapted well to running his day to day finances, there was still lots to learn. I applied to the Government for the support he was entitled to, and would make sure he was paying the right income taxes.

But with all the will in the world, it turned out I had missed out something which was worth a lot of money. In the UK when a person is diagnosed with Dementia they become exempt from paying their council tax. I only read this by chance somewhere. I can’t even remember where. But whilst the fact lodged itself in my brain, I took no further action, even though I knew that Dad had continued to pay his council tax ever since his diagnosis over a year ago. Why? Because I didn’t want to have to explain to someone that I was useless and hadn’t informed the council earlier.

If you keep avoiding it, the stress just keeps building.

I compounded this by keeping it to myself, I didn’t even ask someone to help. It was my problem, no one else’s. So it made itself at home, and started festering inside me. My brain injury means I have limited attention and concentration, making it even easier to ignore something. But when it would pop into my mind it would be bigger and uglier than the last time we met. It felt like having the debt collector knocking at your door and telling you, that with the interest added, the debt had just doubled.

In my mind I would imagine how badly the conversation with the council would go, and how impossibly complicated it would be. I kept trying to tell myself that even if I tried I would get it wrong and it would be denied – resulting in a lot of frustration and a waste of effort.

It’s not always as difficult as you think.

But finally I grew a backbone, and decided to put and end to this stupid situation. It was totally of my own making so now I was calling time on it. I called the council! And I wasn’t even sat on hold for the next decade. Instead a pleasant lady quickly looked up Dad’s file and explained what I needed to do next. She would send me a form for me to sign authorising Dads doctor to confirm his diagnosis with the council. In total, this took no more than 10 minutes. And whilst the form is still on it’s way to me, I’m no longer terrified of what it needs me to answer.

Don’t get me wrong, having a brain injury means this is so much harder. But whilst many things in my life are being suffocated by the pause button, some things go on. Life is full of choices, and if I have chosen to deal with this straight away, I could have saved myself a lot of stress as well as Dads money.

Do you find yourself avoiding things instead of dealing with them? Have you found you do this more or less often since your brain injury?

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