judging Archives - Jumbledbrain

The importance of focus when living with a brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 14:04:16 +0000

I know, you don’t have to tell me… It’s a real challenge for most people to resist distractions, let alone when a brain injury has truncated your concentration span. But it’s still worth reminding ourselves that we need to continuously work on developing good habits, because if we focus on the wrong things, it can have a detrimental impact of our health.

The "professional" troll.

As human beings, we will naturally gravitate to some people and not to others. We are individuals and I personally value the different ways people can have an affect on our personal journeys. Often we learn something through our experiences with people without them having that intention, or us particularly realising it.

Recently I had an encounter with a “Certified Clinical Trauma Professional” who has a PhD and is a Business coach AND a TBI coach at the same time. (Not sure why you would choose to coach businesses and brain injury survivors. Unless you believe brain injury survivors can run their own business of course…. but I’m not sure this person’s mindset allows for that possibility as I will explain.) However, I have no interest in defaming this individual. As I have already said, individuals are drawn to different people, so I’m sure she has added value to others lives and I hope she continues to do so. So for the purposes of this I will refer to her as Ester, which is not her real name.

"Thanks for branding me."

I wrote before in You’re an expert on brain injury? Well I’m the expert on mine. how some people who have “qualifications” just don’t get it. Reading about it in a text book is not the same as walking in a brain injury survivors shoes. But the bit that I found the most upsetting, was that this person had ASSUMED that everything I’m doing must be wrong because it don’t have a PhD. And without looking at any actual EVIDENCE she resorted to threats, that unless I stop, she’ll make me.

Well, sadly, I think that small minded attitude is the sort of thing many brain injury survivors have come up against. But don’t worry, I am not going to let Ester win. She’s no longer in my group, and she can carry on doing what’s she’s doing, and I will continue to serve you all in exactly the same way I always have. With authentic honesty.

Ester, you're extremely detrimental to my health - FACT.

This encounter went on for days, messages back and forth. I was trying to offer her the opportunity to really see what I do, but she was just getting more angry and aggressive. By the time I reminded myself “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” the stress got to me. This behaviour was nothing short of bullying. For several days I was writhing around in pain where my guts were doing their best to abandon ship. I had to take some time out from everything to give my brain and body the chance to recover from her onslaught.

I suspect that the real reason Ester started this is because she spent years and thousands of dollars on her studies, only to find that someone like me is making a bigger impact than her. Well Ester, don’t be jealous of me. I would rather swap my brain injury for the time, effort and money you have had to invest. But I didn’t have a choice like you. I’m putting understanding to use, just like you are. Unfortunately there are so many people affected by brain injury everyday, that there still isn’t enough people trying to support them. Let’s not tear each other down, let’s just serve our people.

That’s my cautionary tale about the importance of focus when living with a brain injury. I found myself focusing on the wrong thing and I paid the price. We all have negative experiences happen in our lives, just learn from them, don’t focus on them.

Do you find others negative behaviour takes up too much of your energy? What do you find it more helpful to focus on?

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I’m not strong or brave, I didn’t choose this brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 11:22:09 +0000

Often when there isn’t really an answer to a subject, many of us have a habit of referring to well used phrases. (And yes I admit I have done the same all too often as well.) I’ve often taken issue with how people can describe children with cancer for example as brave. Why are they brave? They are just getting on with life, what else are they supposed to do?Just like them, I haven’t chosen this situation, but you only live once. Or would it be “normal” to give up once you sustain a brain injury and just wait to die?

Not sure I fit the definition of brave.

Possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching.

I mean if anyone believes I don’t flinch, they are kidding themselves. Whilst it has improved, I still get startled extremely easily. So embarrassing! If I’m not looking at you and you go to start a conversation when I’m concentrating on something else, boom, I almost hit the ceiling.

No matter which definition of strong you choose, I’m not it.

Having strength or power greater than average or expected.

Well I’m no different than any other brain injury survivor. We all have extremely difficult days, and during that time there can be a lot of self doubt. So believe me, I am only average. It’s just that those who haven’t faced a brain injury don’t know what “average” is for us.

Of good quality and condition; solidly built.

I’m physically weak, and totally out of shape. I know people might mean mentally I’m strong, but they’re wrong. At this stage I doubt my mental health will ever be perfect. Just that currently I’ve just not got a date set with the self destruct button.

Not faint or feeble.

You only see what I allow you to see. If you saw me trying my best to be “brave” when entering the jungle (otherwise known as the supermarket) you’d think differently. As I struggle to contain my anxiousness about all the people, I rarely manage to complete the visit unscathed. I need to calm down with a cup of tea and deep breathing once it’s over. I imagine one might have a similar expression when they have been walking through scorpion infested tunnels. You can read why it’s so traumatic for me in 7 Executive dysfunction challenges after brain injury.

If being brave is the absence of fear, then I’m not a good example.

I have been frightened of everything. I’ve even been frightened of that there is something I have forgot to worry about! Sustaining a brain injury for me, has meant living in survival mode. At times I have tunnel vision and can’t begin to look to the future. I just have to live in the here and now.

Am I brave for discussing my experience of brain injury?

Not really. It would only be brave if there was something to be ashamed of. But seeing as I was just the casualty of an unfortunate accident, why should I be ashamed? But even if it was because I had been in a fight, should I be ashamed of the result? No. The cause would not be something to be proud of, but having any disability is never something to be ashamed of.

I don’t want your pity.

I don’t write about my experience of brain injury because I want everyone to say “Oh poor you.” If I stopped any random person, I’m sure when asked they would be able to name at least one ailment they have to manage. So if having to cope with not being perfect is brave, that means we all are. Those of us who are trying to raise awareness of a condition don’t need to be patronised. You don’t have to hear what I have to say, but if you choose to listen, have an open mind.

So I’m sorry if this comes across as ungrateful, as I know people use the words brave and strong in a well meaning manner. But when good intentions are approached the wrong way, they rarely end in a positive result. Actually sometimes I would rather people acknowledge how fragile I can be. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you struggle with something. Often that’s the first step to finding a solution. So in my opinion we should stop reacting like it’s unusual to talk about these things. All that does is add to the feeling that we need to bottle it up and pretend we are OK.

How would you like to be described after your brain injury? Do you feel understood when you're called brave?

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