Order of events becomes disorientated thanks to brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 14:24:36 +0000

People accept that thanks to my brain injury, my memory can be like a sock with a hole. – Most of the foot is happy enough, but if you focus on the toe who is forced into a strip act, that’s a different story. The bit that seems to be harder to accept, is that I can’t always be sure of the order of events.

I would be a terrible police witness.

The more you question me to try to get me to pinpoint the details, the worse I get. Even when it’s a subject I brought up I can quickly realise I am more sketchy than I thought. For example, I might have done something, like found a website that’s really useful and be recommending it to someone. Should they ask how I found it in the first place, I might be confused. A third person may try to remind me they told me about it. Whilst I might remember we briefly spoke about it, I’m not sure if that was before or after I came across it.

It’s not that I don’t want to give credit where it’s due, I just can’t be sure that it happened in that order. So in this instance I would accept they are right and move on. After all that’s a stupid thing to argue about anyway. But what if it was something more important?

If I start to worry I’ve done something wrong, I can picture the events but start to panic about which came first. In my local area there are lots of serious pot holes on the roads. Recently, when driving in the dark my partner James drove over one that was so vicious it bent his alloy wheel. I think the same one got me, but just threw my tracking out. I mentioned this to James’ Dad. He asked why one of us hadn’t warned the other about the offending pot hole. Sensible question, but then my brain froze.

“Oh no, could I have prevented the damage to his car…..?”

I couldn’t even remember when James and I had talked about it and decided we could have been victims of the same gaping hole. Who had brought the subject up? I knew I would have been about to commence the long 3 hour + journey to see my Dad. But was that before or after James’ damage? I didn’t care if James had done it first and not warned me. I was concerned I had caused him inconvenience and money.

James and his Mum swiftly changed the subject to something less contentious. I was clearly floundering and my distress was obvious. Later as James and I discussed it, we realised it might have been the same day. He leaves before 6 am for work, and that day I left at 7.45 am. We didn’t get the chance to speak until the evening. That’s when he said how he pulled over because his car was making a terrible noise that morning. He thought it was a slow puncture to begin with. Anyway, it was neither parties fault. The first opportunity we had to warn one another was too late.

I imagine my behaviour looks like that of a guilty party.

My active imagination starts to misread the situation.

Judge Judy always says “If you tell the truth you don’t have to have a good memory.” So when I’m saying I don’t know, does that make me look like I’m hiding something?

Maybe I need to watch less of that program and actually get a life. I seem to be always assuming the worst. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to that. Perhaps it’s partly my own frustration at not being able to be certain of the facts. Maybe that holey sock will be darned one day, and that toe can warm up.

Do you struggle with the order of events? Do you also feel like a criminal at times?

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Tinnitus, the loathsome bells of brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Wed, 26 Oct 2016 11:37:24 +0000

I have lived with tinnitus since I was a child. Loud music at a school disco (yes it was the 80’s) made, my ears ring, but it never stopped. So I learned to deal with it and got on with my life. Fast forward to 9 December 2014, and I had a car accident in which I sustained a serious traumatic brain injury. I had lots to deal with so those bells where not high on my agenda initially. But now I think they are worse than ever.

Causes of tinnitus.

Tinnitus is not a disease or illness in it’s own right, rather a symptom of something else. Unfortunately the exact cause still isn’t fully understood, but it is thought to be a problem with how the brain interprets what the ear hears. It can be as simple as a loud noise causing damage to the inner ear, as is my case, or as complicated as a brain injury. Oh wait, that’s me too. For a more comprehensive list, visit https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/tinnitus/ In some cases Tinnitus can be caused by an ear infection. For information on ear infections and treatment options visit Auris Ear Care.

How it’s worse now.

I had learned to tune out the noise in my ears and focus on the real world. But that seems harder now. Perhaps that’s because there’s more damage, or maybe it’s just because my brain is focusing on other, more pressing matters. Either way the noise is louder than I remember it being before, and it does drive me nuts!

It definitely seems worse when I’m stressed and fatigued. There are times that due to my light and noise sensitivity I need to lie down in a dark, quiet room. But when you have tinnitus this is when those bells really stand out. With no other noise to focus on those bell ringers in my head have a party!

What can help?

When you have a brain injury, sleep is even more vital than ever. But for me that’s when I have to work harder to drown the bells out. So I find it useful to listen to something quietly so I have something else to focus on. I usually go for either guided meditation, or a sleep hypnosis track. Not only is this a different noise, they both help me to relax. It has been shown that stress has a negative effect on tinnitus sufferers. The last thing you need is to be stressing about how you can’t sleep because those stupid bell ringers don’t know when to have a day off!

There are other options out there as well, such as downloadable apps that emit white noise. I’d rather put music on, but it might be good for you.

Probably the best advice I can give you is to make sure you stay hydrated and don’t have too many stimulants. Alcohol and caffeine both can be responsible for dehydration and they can disturb your natural sleep cycle.

One of the best things about hearing, is being able to talk to your friends. But with a brain injury having a conversation can difficult for many reasons. We need that contact, so read my suggestions in How to enjoy a conversation after brain injury.

This post is sponsored by Auris Ear Care Ltd. All reviews and opinions expressed in this post are based on my personal view.

Are you affected by tinnitus, and have you got some useful tips to share?

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