Brain injury survivor explains why your career isn’t your self-worth

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Tue, 29 Oct 2019 16:50:00 +0000

We are used to judging people by their profession: The customer service assistant, the doctor, the plumber, the football player, the chambermaid, the factory worker. And I’m willing to bet a significant number of people who just read those job titles felt less positively about the last 2 I mentioned because they aren’t as “successful” or “educated”. Or at least that’s what most of us think societies opinion is. So when we don’t have a current career because we have suffered a brain injury, we think others will be judging us because we aren’t good enough at something to be able to earn a salary.

When I had to give up my career I was asking the question “What is the point of me now? How do I add any value to anything?” Suddenly I was feeling a lack of self-worth worth after a brain injury. Hands up who else felt like this!

We like measurable actions, so being able to say your salary is X, indicates your value to society, right?

Wrong. But it’s pretty common to think that way. Doctors earn more because they have to have high intelligence to be able to learn and practice medicine, which the major of the population would not be able to do. The factor worker doesn’t need the same level of education and therefore a lot of people would find that they could perform this job. It’s a simple case of supply and demand, the more people who can perform a job, the less employers need to pay them because there’s more competition.

A job title does not say anything about if someone is a good person, and if their impact on their community is a good one.

It’s easy to assume that a doctor is someone who is having a positive impact. But that’s all it is, as assumption. Take Dr Harold Shipman who in 2000 was convicted here in England of the murder of 15 patients, but it’s believed around 250 people could have been victims of his over the span of his career.

Then there’s Didar Hossain who worked in a factory opposite the Rana Plaza building, Bangladesh, when it collapsed in 2013. He forced his way in to help people even though the authorities were trying to stop people for their own safety. He helped many people buried in the rubble, but he found a girl that they couldn’t release without amptating her hand. Didar alerted a doctor who replied “I can’t go in there, I’m frightened. You do it.” and handed him a knife and some anaesthetic to numb the area. Once he had cut the girls hand off and begun to lift her, another man begged him to cut his leg off so he too could be freed. Realising that he would die if he left him, he did as he’d asked. With both amputees tied to his body he slowly dragged them both out.

Now clearly these are extreme cases, but I think they demonstrate my point pretty well. You’re self-worth does not need to be tied to your career. We have the ability to make a difference whether we work or not. And that doesn’t have to be something as dramatic as what Didar did. It could just be listening to someone when they needed you, or making a child smile.

Thinking a career indicates your value to society is just a self limiting belief.

Now I’m sure most of us had families, teachers and mentors who encouraged us to realise our potential in life. But the reason they did this was so we could have good careers, LEADING TO a comfortable lifestyle. That means they were doing it to help you have a happy future. But because we are used to hearing about how “successful” others are, we end up confusing that with what society thinks of us.

If I did a pole asking you who would you rather invite to dinner and meet your family, Dr Harold Shipman or factory worker, Didar Hossain, I am certain Didar would win. (Alright, I know some of us would like to grill Shipman about “Who do you think you are?!” but you can’t because the coward killed himself shortly after his conviction.) Didar probably earns a modest wage and lives hand to mouth. His education is likely to be limited and it probably doesn’t take long to list his qualifications. But you’d rather have him meet your family because you know he’s a good man who acted to save the lives of others totally selflessly. He gained nothing, apart from friendship as he and the girl stayed in touch for years after the event.

I’m telling you this because I’ve been in the same boat.

Following my brain injury I had to give up my career at the ripe old age of 32. I felt washed up and a burden to my partner James. It took a long time for me to start to see that my value to the world has nothing to do with my job. (If you want to know more about how I bounced back, you can read about it on the page 6 weeks from surviving to thriving course.) How many of you reading this right now think my previous career has any relevance to the impact my writing has on you? I know I have touched on my career before, but I bet most of you don’t remember the details because it just doesn’t matter! It’s about how you make people feel, that’s what people remember, not words. As my job titles probably didn’t create an emotional response in you, so your brain just discarded it. But my honestly about my journey could have resonated with you, and so that’s what your brain decided to connect with.

If you’ve hit rock bottom, it’s a long journey back, but know the only way is up. Don’t feel alone, many survivors feel a lack of self-worth after a brain injury. I hope this will help you start to disentangle your self-worth from your career as I think for a lot of us that is a key starting point.

Has your brain injury affected your career? Do you feel that has had an impact on your self-worth?