What does that mean exactly? When my level of tolerance has been met my brain begins to feel like it’s on fire. You are most likely saying once again, what does that mean? Well, it’s like when you begin to get the flu and your head feels like you’re starting get a fever, that is what my head feels like – yet, without the flu. I begin to get foggy. My concentration levels start to fade. My ability to understand let alone comprehend what the person I am with is saying it to is slim to none and I am unable to make eye contact with whom I am with because my brain is too busy trying to keep up. Oh yes, comprehension has left the building everyone and thank gawd for spell check. This coming from the woman who has been published, interviewed for television, print and radio more times than I can count. On Mother’s Day 2019, I dropped to the floor in front of my family. Out cold I was, and an ambulance had to be called. I spent the day in the ER. Just before I was released the doctor came and tried to explain what was going on. We had a conversation and when she walked away, my mom said – honey, you did NOT understand a word she was saying. I was mortified. This isn’t the only time this has happened, and I was oddly humbled by the experience. The great news is that my memory is completely shot so the likelihood of me remembering these highly embarrassing moments are unlikely. 

Memory: I did have one almost 2 years ago. I had a great memory and my jobs reflected by ability to hold large amounts of information. Now, I forget to turn off the stove or close the fridge. I lose my thought(s) in mid-sentence, knowing there was something there and at the same time not having a clue what I was saying, doing, or what the topic was. Grabbing and putting the wrong lid on something is day after day. I forget my children’s names. In my defence, it is mostly when I am upset of my tolerance levels have been met and asking them to go brush their teeth or get ready for bed. My daughter just looks at me as says, ‘Mom, why are you telling me to go to the kitchen!? Don’t you want me to go to the bathroom, cause we’re already in the kitchen?’ My response, ‘Om-goodness, you understood what I am trying to say so please just go,’ Lol. 

Honestly, looking at your brain injury with a positive outlook is the only way to be. The truth is that you can not control the future, only your present. You have no idea when and if you will be 100% and that is okay. It is okay because you can begin to reinvent yourself and how many people really get the chance to do that? Every step forward is a victory. Each and every day you can manage the pain, headaches and nausea is a bonus! You just push forward with whatever you have left. Be thankful for every moment you get to spend with your children and jump for joy that they were not in the car with you. And, even though you miss experiences and moments with your children – you get to be there with them in the small moments: putting them to bed, helping them brush their teeth, making dinner because all moments and experiences are important. You cherish and laugh out loud when your 6-yr old tells you to piss off; and, when your 8-yr-old daughter wants to just sit and cuddle with you for hours. And, this is where I leave you 1 year, 9 months, 15 days,…for now.