Panicking impedes learning after brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 10:09:46 +0000

Modern day life runs at full speed. It’s like we are all trying to be the Usain Bolt of the domestic world. But for me, trying to be quicker causes more problems. My brain injury means I have a new processing speed – snails pace. So if I try to do something that is new to me too quickly, it never ends well. I miss details, get confused, and start panicking that I am too stupid.

I know I’m not stupid, but that still doesn’t help.

The other day my website went down for a long time. Initially I thought it was because Bluehost were doing maintenance so I just had to wait. But that wasn’t the case so I needed them to find the fault for me. Using the online chat function, I asked for help and they quickly resolved it. I was impressed, and thought it would be a good idea to ask what happened in case I needed to know for the future.

That was my first mistake.

They tried to explain what had happened and how they resolved it. But as this was via the chat function, we were typing our responses. Which is fine, as long as you read it properly, which I didn’t.

I misread it as instructions of what I still needed to do. (Seeing as they were only telling me because I asked, I have no idea how I got to that.) So I was asking where to find these things. As the person was most likely confused why I was asking such things, their replies were not descriptive enough for me to see where to locate them. But as I was thinking they were waiting for me to do an action, I was trying my hardest to be quick.

Panicking whilst skim reading spells disaster.

This all happened because I didn’t pay enough attention to the details. I was skim reading, so I was picking up the “headlines” but missing the context. Skim reading is something that I have always done, and I was good at it before. OK I would make a few errors, but I would soon notice what the problem was. But now, because I can have such rigid thinking, I can’t begin to see what I’ve missed.

My panicking resulted in frustration, so I was talking to the computer about how I couldn’t see what I was looking for. James heard me, and came to help. Just then the person online took the opportunity to end the chat session. He must have been worried he would be there all day, when it had only taken him 2 minutes to solve the problem. But James calmly pointed out to me what this poor chap had been trying to explain.

Here’s my resolution to try to change my behaviour:

Read aloud. It’s not possible to skim read when you are reading something out word for word.
Stop assuming things.
Go back and check again to avoid misunderstandings.
Take deep breaths to remain calm and avoiding panicking.
Stop trying to second guess what impression the other person is getting of you.

I’ve acknowledge before about my processing speed in Can’t think fast enough and my lack of concentration in Distracted after brain injury. Feeling dejected, so I should know by now. Adapting to such fundamental changes is difficult, but not impossible. I found How Long Does it Actually Take to Form a New Habit? (Backed by Science), which explains how we can change ingrained behaviours. I’m sure that a brain injury makes it significantly harder, but I need to put in the effort.

Does your brain injury affect you in a similar way? Have you found it possible to stop yourself panicking when under pressure?

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The agony of the cognitive tailspin after a brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Tue, 10 Jan 2017 15:44:51 +0000

Most brain injury survivors find the change in their cognitive abilities the most frustrating. I have noticed a significant improvement in mine. However I’m still surprised when the bad days strike. I can go from being on the money, to being that member of the quiz team who insists they have the answer. And then it turns out what someone was originally going to put down would have won you the point. (Actually that’s not accurate because I’m not arrogant enough to be as forceful as that. ) In the moment I am confident of what I’m saying, but when it’s too late I can see where I went wrong.

Getting the details a bit skew-whiff.

Like many I don’t automatically tell everyone I meet that I have a brain injury affecting my cognitive abilities. So I imagine they might find my attention to detail is… lacking.

One day I met a friends Mum who I had only spoken to briefly once before. I jovially commented on her lovely Northern Irish accent, and she happily told me of her proud heritage. I told her my Mum was also from the Emerald isle, in an attempt to find some common ground. She was delighted to hear this and enquired where my Mum was originally from.

At this point I should tell you my Mum was from county Kerry, firmly in the south-west of the Republic of Ireland. Whilst Ireland is a much calmer and peaceful place now, the generation both these ladies are from would clearly remember the unrest the country went through. Even I do as the devastating affects the IRA and The Real IRA had are even within my lifetime.

The punchline goes horribly wrong….

Suddenly I realised I couldn’t remember, which I was surprised and embarrassed by. Under pressure I tried to think of what the words sound like. And I stumbled on something that had a familiar ring to it, and blurted out “Derry“. Instantly I knew I had said the wrong name, but I thought it wouldn’t matter as the conversation would move on and she wouldn’t need to know my error. I mean it’s not like we were talking about a distant relative, what daughter doesn’t know where her Mum is from? Particularly one who brought the subject up.

Her eyes lit up and she said “Oh not far from me, which part?” Oh dear, now I was snookered. Derry, or better known as Londonderry, is the second largest city in Northern Ireland. So her question was perfectly reasonable. As the word “Kerry” lazily made an appearance in my head I knew I had to admit my mistake.

“I’m sorry I meant Tralee in county Kerry” I said sheepishly. She gave me a stern look. “They are very different you know” she replied. In that moment I felt my cognitive slip up hadn’t just made me look stupid, I had insulted the Irish nation. Of course I understood the political history and how it still can be difficult both sides of the border. But what I had said was as upsetting as when foreigners think England is Great Britain, not just one of 4 nations.

Trying not to beat myself up.

Whilst I’m sure she wasn’t as worried by my mistake as I thought, I knew my Mum would have been. As she is sadly no longer with us, I could see her scolding me for misquoting her story. Yes she moved to London as a child and lost her accent, but she was still deeply proud of living on a farm in Ireland when she was young. I didn’t mention in this short conversation that my Mum had passed away and the lady moved on to speak to others. The situation was completely my fault, and she did nothing wrong. But I still felt stupid and that I had disrespected my Mum.

If there are times someone with a brain injury says something wrong, but can’t see their mistake, it could be a confabulation. Read more in Confabulation is not lying. False memories due to brain injury.

So my advice to others is, give yourself some breathing space. On those days when go feel your brain is struggling to get out of neutral, don’t put pressure on yourself. I should have taken a little longer to reply, or even said what my problem was. Then I could have avoided the awkwardness I created.

How has your cognitive ability changed? Has it landed you in hot water?

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