Lost confidence after a brain injury & how I got it back

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Tue, 11 Oct 2016 11:33:11 +0000

After my brain injury, and I became aware enough to be able to recognise my struggles, I lost confidence in myself. I sunk into depression and would cry everyday. My mental health had taken such a battering I couldn’t understand why my partner James would want me. So I kept telling him I could go move in with my Dad, seeing as he would benefit from some support due to his age. But James kept telling me that’s the last thing he wanted.

I was missing being me.

No matter what nice things he said or did, it made little impact on my self worth. All I could see was a liability, and I thought he deserved better. Terrible thoughts and ideas would go through my mind as I tried to find a way to take back control of my life. I was a mess. I had been depressed before, but this was different. How could there ever be a light at the end of this dark tunnel?

I’d never fully appreciated before that I was in my own way confident previously. As I could be shy at times, and you could hardly call me an extrovert, I thought that was a lack of confidence. Wrong.

After pulling myself apart for everything, I started to use mindfulness to try to see myself in a different light. Alright, so I might not be the same as I was any more, but that didn’t mean I was a bad person or had nothing to offer. I’d always been a good listener, even if I didn’t have all the answers, people were still opening up to me despite my flaws. That takes trust, and in time I realised these people must see something in me that I wasn’t acknowledging.

Maybe I had something to say? Starting a conversation can help people talk about how they are feeling.

And so my blog was born, my lost confidence restored. If you’re still with me and reading this, thank you. Sometimes I worry when I suddenly see less people are reading and sharing my posts. I think “Oh no, do they just want me to shut up? Am I not adding any value anymore? Should I stop?”

I don’t think I will ever be able to stop that little self doubting voice from saying her 2 pennies worth, but that’s just part of what makes me human. I have the gift of empathy, so I’m always trying to see it from the other person’s point of view. But that can be more like a sentence when you are forever trying to second guess and always assuming the worst. However I have learned how to tell that little inner critic to put a sock in it when she pipes up. Believe me when I tell you that she’s a rebel and doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do, but there is a way to make her give in.

I know this is a skill that many people would benefit from, and so that is why I now coach other brain injury survivors and caregivers on now they can get to this point too. Although this experience has been harder than I can ever put into words, I’m thankful that it has lead me to a point where I can do more to help others enjoy their lives more.

Yes I want it

Have you lost confidence? What do you do to give yourself that little boost when you need it?

The post Lost confidence after a brain injury & how I got it back appeared first on Jumbledbrain.

Mindfulness in 5 easy steps. Regain balance after a brain injury.

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Fri, 26 Aug 2016 13:13:52 +0000

There were times where my mind would run at a thousand miles an hour following my brain injury, and it was exhausting. I think after my trauma I was trying to look out for danger everywhere and attempting to control everything. I remember walking down an aisle in Sainsbury’s supermarket and feeling the to need to read every sign and product name. Of course that’s ridiculous and impossible unless you’re there all day. But that was the first sign I needed mindfulness in my life. I just didn’t know it yet.

The information was too much and it was such an overload, and I don’t know even what I was trying to achieve. But that was my approach to everything whether I liked it or not.

I was attending a group for brain injury survivors run by Headway. Jo, an OT there, started to teach us about mindfulness meditation. A couple of times in the past I’d tried sitting cross legged like a Buddha. But I never felt I was doing it right so I thought I probably wouldn’t do much better with this. But I was wrong.

Jo was ready for the preconceived ideas we had about meditation and explained how mindfulness is different. You don’t need to be spiritual to feel the benefits.

Anyone can do mindfulness meditation and you don’t have to spend a long time doing it either.

Firstly you just need to sit comfortably in a chair with your feet flat to the floor and sit upright with your back supported. So much easier than doing it on the floor! And with my weak left leg I probably wouldn’t have managed to get up once I was down there. So this was a good start.

I’d always thought you have to try to clear your mind thus why I thought I always failed. But Jo explained your mind is supposed to think so let it, just don’t be judgemental. Notice the thoughts that come, don’t categorise them as good or bad, right or wrong. Just notice them and let them move on. I know what your thinking, “this sounds impossible, how do I not judge things?” But it’s easier than you think.

Mark Williams, professor of clinical psychology at the Oxford Mindfulness Centre, part of Oxford University’s department of psychiatry, calls a “direct knowing of what is going on inside and outside ourselves, moment by moment”.

I found this really helped me feel less anxious and more calm. Also it’s good for improving your cognitive abilities and concentration levels. Great for everyone, but especially for those with a brain injury. So give it a go, here it is in 5 easy steps:

Sit comfortably upright in a chair with your feet flat on the floor
Tune in to your breathing. Follow the breath as the air comes in through the nose and down your chest, and its journey back out. Is it warmer coming out?
Notice thoughts, acknowledge them and return your focus to your breathing.
Don’t judge yourself for being distracted, but go back to noticing your breathing.
You can start with just 10 minutes a day. We all have busy lives but give yourself that, you deserve it.

What this does is make you feel more present in the moment. So for those of us who worry our selves half to death, it’s just what we need. Worrying is trying to predict what hasn’t happened yet. But seeing as the future hasn’t been written yet, it’s a fruitless exercise. The best thing for you to do is to make sure your mind and body are as ready as possible for whatever is around the corner. So just like taking a bath helps relax you body, mindfulness meditation does the same for your mind.

If you’re finding a racing mind is stopping you from drifting off to sleep, read Sleep after TBI: unlock 11 endorsed steps.

Have a go and let me know how you get on. Does it work for you?

The post Mindfulness in 5 easy steps. Regain balance after a brain injury. appeared first on Jumbledbrain.

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