Beating my shyness to be sociable again after brain injury

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 17 Jul 2017 12:46:32 +0000

As a child I was painfully shy. But as a met good friends I knew I didn’t want it to hold me back for the rest of my life. They showed me that good people can appreciate you, despite your flaws. You just have to let them experience who you are. You need to try to be sociable. So although this brain injury has shuffled my deck of cards, I’m trying again.

I built a career on being sociable.

I was never going to be outgoing enough to be a holiday rep for a 18-30 club experience, but I wasn’t bad with people. Having learned the ropes with the toughest audience, the general public, during my 10 years in retail. I went from serving customers and squeaking the total price, to confidently traffic stopping people for a makeover and selling them products they hadn’t ever tried before.

From there I moved into positions where business development was a big part of the role. Engaging with decision makers in businesses, even when they said they didn’t have the time to talk. By not being aggressive, instead sociable and approachable, I was able to win them over. They bought into me.

How my brain injury robbed me of that.

I didn’t know who I was anymore when my brain injury happened. I knew my name and history, but I didn’t recognise my personality. As I regained some insight, I was able to see how odd my behaviour was at times, but couldn’t stop it.

Suddenly there was so much about me I didn’t like. Not being able to trust myself to be “normal”, made me retract from the world. It became lonely, and I found I was assuming the world thought the worst of me.

But my friends proved me wrong and I’m trying again.

I started getting in touch with those old school friends who I hadn’t seen in years. They had already seen me, warts and all, growing up so I didn’t feel I had anything to hide. And again they showed me the same life lessen they taught me all those years ago. They didn’t care about my faults, they were more interested in who I am.

So I’ve put myself back in training. (No I haven’t enrolled on a course, I just have to impress the harshest examiner, me.) Random acts of kindness, win people over the fastest, and often stay with them for a lifetime. Whilst I’m not giving away money to change peoples lives, I am offering my compliments.

I was in a queue (or as my American friends would say, a line) in a coffee shop. The lady ahead of me had incredible nails. Expertly painted bright colours with glitter over the top. These days I don’t do anything with my nails, but I admired how lovingly they were done. Then it occurred to me that as these nails made a statement, she must be proud of them.

So just as her coffee was being served I said, “By the way, I love your nails.” She was a little surprised, but replied with “Oh thanks, they need redoing really, but I do them myself and I just haven’t had time.” As us Brits struggle to take compliments, and feel the need to be very modest about everything, this was a positive response. I’m sure she would have gone away feeling pleased that someone had admired her handy work. (See what I did there?!)

This is just the start.

I know we didn’t get into a deep and meaningful conversation. But I would like to think by me trying to be sociable, I gave her something to smile about. My aim is to prove to myself that strangers don’t notice or care about my brain injury. They care about the impact this person makes on them in that moment in time. So I want to try to make it a positive one wherever I can.

Do you find it hard to be sociable after your brain injury? Or have you got tips on how to overcome it?

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Lucky: Confessions of a brain injury survivor

Michelle #jumbledbrain — Mon, 19 Sep 2016 11:55:45 +0000

Now that I have accepted that my life has changed, my goals have too. My career used to be so important to me, but as I never know what to expect of myself each day, I can’t decide what I would like to do.

But actually I now understand that although a career is important, there are things that are priceless that I was taking for granted. I’ve realised that I should consider myself lucky.

Many of us have encountered hard times. Whether that’s a disappointing exam result, the loss of a loved one, or having to battle an illness or injury, just to name a few. But we learn so much from those experiences, and it is possible to put that to good use.

When we have suffered ourselves we are able to empathise more for others. That makes us better listeners, and that is a gift. Think of the times you have wanted to talk to someone about how you are feeling. It’s not that you expect them to magic away the pain, or even to have an easy solution, but just to be heard, and maybe have a hug.

To know someone is there for you is such a powerful thing.

So yes I am lucky to have survived my accident, and to have a roof over my head but but I knew that already. But now I can see, even if it’s in some small way, I have grown as a person and can offer something to others.

People still ask me if I have returned to work yet. That causes a twinge inside me when I say no, and then try to justify why. But that’s just because we are people who are hard working, want to earn their own livings and be a part of society.

But what if your calling is bigger than joining the rat race?

As humans we are one of the most adaptable species to call Earth our home. We have survived ice ages, and have gone from early cave man, to who we are today. But the journey doesn’t stop there. You never know each day who you are going to meet and how you might be able to help them.

Iraq and Afghanistan veteran Darren DeMarco probably thought his change of career to become a lorry driver meant his experience of dealing with emergency situations wouldn’t be used again for a long time. Until recently, when he witnessed an accident and saw a woman stuck in her overturned car. He knew he could help. He used his lorry to block the 3 lanes of the M1 they were travelling on, and helped her out. Other motorists were angry that they couldn’t pass, but Darren knew that wasn’t important. He had helped injured colleagues in dangerous situations before. So he realised the faster someone acts, the better the prospects for the victim.

So just because we might find we have changed direction, perhaps that is for a reason. I’m sure that lady was glad Darren was driving that lorry that day.

I’m beginning to think that perhaps I could use my career of direction as my next career. Read how in Next chapter after brain injury, am I in it now?

I'm lucky because I know I have helped some by being that listening ear. How have you been able to put your bad experience to good use?

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