Having a brain injury when it isn’t obvious to the world has it’s good points and its bad points. I’m glad people don’t pigeon hole me because of my brain injury, but there are times I need them to adapt for me. There are times I don’t understand what they are telling me.
Sometimes I don’t follow the information properly.
Recently a friendly Doctor was trying to update me about some meetings I was invited to regarding my Dad. I was keen to listen as I wanted to make sure I had the facts. She had a slight African accent, but spoke very clearly. But I still found I was getting things mixed up. Perhaps I was not remembering parts and stitching it back together in the wrong order. Patiently she corrected me a few times, but I was surprised I kept getting confused. I had always been a very good listener previously.
Knowing I have a short attention span, I had prepared myself to concentrate during this conversation. But clearly that wasn’t enough. I was motivated to try really hard, but perhaps I was too tired. An emotive issue such as the health of a loved one can drain energy levels.
If I don’t understand, I really should explain about my brain injury.
Had I told her I was getting confused and why, I’m sure she would have changed her approach some how. But I worry people will think I shouldn’t be his “appropriate person” due to my limitations.
But that probably says more about me than it does them. No one has ever questioned my ability, and so it’s just my insecurities holding me back.
Perhaps it was too noisy where we were, or I might have just needed her to slow down. She was really very polite and kind, so I was stupid to not explain.
Trying to get over my own bias.
I realise I need to stop assuming what people might think. A Doctor of all people would have been likely to be very understanding. The words “brain injury” are very powerful. It is a very serious thing, but it doesn’t define an individual, so I need to change my mind set.
It’s not fair of me to expect the world to be able to help me when I don’t tell them what’s wrong. That is a habit of a lifetime, nothing to do with my brain injury. If I was struggling to get projects done on time, I would rarely ask for help. Instead I would almost burn myself out trying to take on the world. Seeing as I’m not Wonder Woman, all I was doing was chasing my tail.
Somehow I need to break this cycle and just say when I don’t understand. Maybe it’s my pride that stops me, or I’m always trying to prove myself. Either way, I need to accept it is my responsibility to say something. That probably makes me sound pig headed, but I’m just an infallible human. I will get there, I just need a prod every now and again.